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Phoebe Sinclair Writes

Phoebe Sinclair Writes

Category Archives: With Friends

Honoring an Architect of my Personality: Kirsten Quatela

28 Tuesday Feb 2017

Posted by Phoebe (she / hers) in With Friends

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

as-we-are-living-it, friendship, gratitude, jersey, letters, loss

I wish I could recall where I learned the phrase, this idea that one’s personality is not just birth and place and time and opportunity, but also a construct of unseen, inscrutable influences. Non-fixed, perhaps with some central elements, and definitely with strong strands reaching back to lineage, out to family, out to friends, loves, and chance meetings of heart or intellect, forward to those who come next. For me, it’s not always obvious who architects of my personality are, until I lose one.

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Flower bud by Kirsten

Around the time that I met Kirsten Nordt in high school, a favorite family member had warned me away from the path I was tripping down –me: a slightly boyish girl who loved animals, who loved words and books, who unwisely made friends with white kids. I have no doubt that my family member’s desire was for me to thrive, but what I remember most were words that tore at what I was trying to build. His and my truths were not the same, and one of my truths was Kirsten.

Far taller than me, paler, red-haired, with a laugh that invited. Still strangers to one another, we stood in a narrow hall while volunteering as ushers for a high school play and Kirsten joyfully punched my shoulder hard enough to hurt. Friends from that moment forward, she never harmed me the way my family member feared. 

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Flowers up close by Kirsten

When a person sees and can articulate what you are worth, you become that worth. I have learned that people are reflections of one another. Kirsten reflected humor, artistry, generosity, and thoughtfulness. I reflected my budding feminism, curiosity, silly gifts purchased from toy shops, and word-craft. She introduced me to what today remain some of my favorite media, from Bjork to the Wishbone television show to the Griffin & Sabine novel trilogy.

From Kirsten I learned how to respect and celebrate faith, even one I did not share. We shared a love of picture books and the natural world. I spun college and post-college experiences into letters and cards, sailed them across the miles. She became Kirsten Quatela, mother of two and inspired photographer in Portland, OR. I remained Phoebe Sinclair, writer and wanderer, partnered and thriving in Boston, MA. We inspired one another to continue to reach out, by letter, holiday card, art-gift, quick note typed into a blinking message field.

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College-age Phoebe by Kirsten

All ends. That is not a choice, but a reality and what I did not expect, I must still accept. In one of our last correspondences, I expressed love and concern, and Kirsten responded: “I appreciate you reaching out and your kind words. Life took an unexpected turn a year ago, but I am walking forward and taking what I can from it to be the best Kirsten I can be.”

That she was.

kirsten_1990s

High school Kirsten by Phoebe

Little Gifts Warm a Winter

20 Wednesday Jan 2016

Posted by Phoebe (she / hers) in With Friends

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Tags

as-we-are-living-it, gratitude, winter

Dear friend, you spoil me.

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I thank you, with cinnamon on top.

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Scenes from a Veg Food Fest

16 Wednesday Dec 2015

Posted by Phoebe (she / hers) in Boston Moments, With Friends

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fall, food-n-cookin

FOMU baristas serve up cupcakesWay back when, my good friend Kelly and I had an annual tradition of checking out what’s new in the veggie-dom at the Boston Vegetarian Food Festival. Then she moved to Cali. I got distracted by other festivals, other learning spaces, other events.

Then Kelly moved back and we returned, two friends together, curious and delighted.

Guests visit tables

Boston Fodd Fest bags & t-shirts

Woman in cage speaks with man

I believe this woman is being factory farmed . . . ?

Guests visit eatery

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Whole Heart Greenwich

01 Thursday Oct 2015

Posted by Phoebe (she / hers) in What Is It, With Friends

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

as-we-are-living-it, gratitude, hikes, kids, nyc

One of the things I appreciate most about long-term friendships is that we get to grow and change together.

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We’re sold the idea that friendship is telling secrets at summer camp, laughing over the fryer at that first job, playing video games in the college dorm, or drinks with buddies at the bar. Thank goodness that’s not all. I’m glad the experience isn’t so simple or static or one-dimensional.

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Even when it makes me sad or wistful, I’m glad that the long-term friendships in my life have included moving boxes, commiserating over disappointments, tales of exhaustion and woe. I’m glad they’ve included the willingness to feel embarrassed, learning how and when to give space, and listening as carefully as we are able.

Our individual worlds seem so small, but when we combine forces -live our lives together- they feel large.

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Whole Heart (Accidental) Hiatus

31 Wednesday Dec 2014

Posted by Phoebe (she / hers) in Community, Learnin', With Friends, Writing Life

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

as-we're-living-it, community

This accidental Whole Heart vacation, where energies led away from updating this blog, I took part in the following:

Waved so-long, but never goodbye, to good friends Patricia and Yutian, who are continuing their adventures in congressional fellowship-ness (sounds fancy) and law down in DC.

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Bid a final goodbye to my Cousin/Uncle Bubby who, through his teasing, fun-loving nature, taught me how to show up for life. And show up well.

Bubby and Phoebe

Took part in two retreats – one up in Concord, MA with Our Commonwealth, one in Rockport, MA with a group of writer friends.

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Completed a draft of my middle grade novel that I feel, finally, has something of value and uniqueness to tempt the market. Connected to this, got to engage in some really great research via zines.

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Fell in obsession love with fan fiction in a big way. That’s a post for another day.

Practiced standing up . . .

(c) Agassiz Baldwin Community 2014

(c) Agassiz Baldwin Community 2014

. . . learned about surrender with OnBeing podcast.

What will the next season bring?

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Beauty in the Mail

11 Wednesday Jun 2014

Posted by Phoebe (she / hers) in Community, With Friends

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

as-we-are-living-it, gratitude, spring

The story, as I like to tell is, is that I knew immediately, when Kirsten punched me (hard!) in the arm while we were meeting for, perhaps, the first time at a volunteer gig in high school: I’m going to be this woman’s friend. That’s it. Ever since.

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In high school, Kirsten introduced me to some of my favorite musicians. Her family always held smiles for me when I visited and treated me like I was an equal, not just their oldest daughter’s friend. Her sister and friends didn’t seem to mind that I tagged along to their parties and events.

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We grew and changed and moved, as friends often do. Yet, the central piece of our friendship remains. That curiosity, that humor, that attention to what is simple and sweet and beautiful.

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Dear Kirsten, I’m sorry I’m late in saying (as I often am, but . . . ) thanks. Those West Coast pinecones are gorgeous.

Opportunity and Community

26 Wednesday Feb 2014

Posted by Phoebe (she / hers) in With Friends

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Tags

as-we-are-living-it, hikes, winter

Cape Cod beach in winter

I didn’t go to college to bank on the residuals.

The plan (as set by culture/expectations/my own desire to live a “good life”): gain admission to a competitive (but not too competitive!) college, graduate with new skills and insights, find employment that matches those skills (hey, what happened to the insight?), enjoy surprising success and satisfaction . . .  as a writer (easy, right?), give back.

Caro walks

Friends walk through the snowy dunes

The story beneath the story, the unsuspect-able truth? My most valued takeaway from that “competitive college” isn’t skills, or even insight, it’s community. For me, opportunity isn’t about inching closer to a big pool of cash. And it’s not just my craft (writing) that feeds me, I crave and thrive in employment that pays the heart.

My path is a curious one. It wanders.

Christian washes kale

Blue, wooden bowls

Opportunity is that train of connection that leads to adventure. It’s one day inviting an interesting stranger to coffee, followed by a shocking connection with that endures. Five years pass and here I’m lounging in a warm Cape Cod kitchen, laughing with friends made at stops along the way.

A jog through the snowy woods

Ice sliding

Playing together on the frozen pond

Friends tumble on the frozen pond

I often view “choice” as leading directly to “result.” Thank goodness life can be so much less linear than one predicts.

Bunny hat and a basket

Brunch with Friends

23 Thursday Jan 2014

Posted by Phoebe (she / hers) in With Friends

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

food-n-cookin, gratitude, winter

hot potatoes with wooden spoon

I don’t cook.

Okay, so that’s not entirely true. More accurately, I don’t enjoy cooking anywhere near as much as I enjoyed being cooked for. It’s an interesting reverse of how I give gifts: I find much satisfaction in considering, hunting down, wrapping, and finally presenting a gift to friend or family.

knife with parsnips

adam makes coffee

With food though, I’ve been know to put out a call to the greater Facebook Universe practically pleading for someone to invite me over!

Brunch with friends? Yes, please.

three pans cooking

cat paw

black cat on green cushion

mango juice

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New Year’s Jam

03 Friday Jan 2014

Posted by Phoebe (she / hers) in Boston Moments, With Friends

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Tags

as-we-are-living-it, jamaica-plain, winter

In the wee morning hours of 2014, a surprise bedroom concert featuring my partner David on electric guitar, party host Adam on acoustic, vocals and lead bed-jumping, and friends on back-up vocals, harmonica, and drum-n-shaker hullabaloo.

flag on chandeliers

harmonica and acoustic

friends play drums and acoustic guitar

Me on camera. Happy New Year!

friends revel in music on NYElistening to the musicadam and dave

Maine Begins The Year

30 Monday Sep 2013

Posted by Phoebe (she / hers) in With Friends

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Tags

food-n-cookin, gratitude, maine

For me, a year has a few transition points: the harvest and cold-weather holidays, July 4th (my birthday), and annual Maine Vacation.

Friends swim in Worthley Pond

Going back around eight years, a group of friends, loosely connected via my alma mater, have gathered at a farm house on Worthley Pond. We cook for one another, play games, and challenge each other to accept our quirks and eccentricities for up to ten whole days in a sort of self-imposed group-isolation.

Toasting over an open fire
Playing the uke in Maine
Daddy helps Redd fly
Homemade pizzas
Pellechs quilt in progress

People say it’s good to take a vacation to recharge. Our Maine Vacation is more a reset. A shoring up and storing the clear pond-smell, sunsets, and quiet moments with my partner. I time-release these memories slowly throughout the hectic fall. ‘Till next summer.

Tea on the shore

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