Quiet Moments With Friends

23 Monday Jan 2012

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Baby sequioa

It’s fairly safe to say that moving to Boston for college exploded my social circle by probably two hundred percent! I was not a complete loner in my younger years -I had my family, pets, a few close school companions (including my now partner,) and a collection of friendly co-workers.  If you flashed a quick light on my life, you’d catch more glimpses of tea and books than tea and conversation.

In college, it was firmly confirmed that companions are for conversation.  Unless it was finals week, people didn’t just get together and quietly read -or write, or knit, or eat, or anything!  Silence was for watching movies (maybe,) for sleepily trudging past one another in the bathroom, and little else.

My post college years have followed the same pattern: people get together and talk. That’s okay -I’m the first to offer a quirky observation, to sing a few lines of song, to exclaim over a victory or an injustice.  Once in a rare while though, I am treated to a moment like last Monday’s, where my breakfast companion and I found ourselves briefly in silent enjoyment of the treasure of each other’s company and the meal we made.

And when that happens, I think: this is lovely, this is good.

The Creation/Consumption Smack Down

18 Wednesday Jan 2012

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Back of quilt 2012

In my existential inner life, I fight a constant battle with consuming.  What I previously had a hard time putting to words has recently become clear: when I get the urge to create something, I also immediately want to run to the store.

One day, strolling down some quiet street in JP (I get a lot of thinking done while traveling from one occupation to another), the concept popped into my head fully formed: It’s a battle of creation versus consumption!

And it’s interesting, isn’t it, how consumption disallows creation?  For example, if I want to start a new knitting project, the time it takes to go to the store, purchase the supplies, and then return home completely eats up the time in my day that I would otherwise have spent going through my own (overflowing) supplies and actually getting started.

“But,” you say, “Isn’t it inspiring to wander the isles at the craft store, inspecting the newest inventions in crafty-ness, admiring the skill of yarn/pattern/fabric-makers, etc.?”

Sure it is.  Visiting my local yarn shop -the act of opening the glass door, sniffing the scents of new, clean wool and cottons, flipping the glossy, colorful pages of craft books I’ll never purchase- can get me in the mood to buckle down and create! But I never accomplish this in the actual store. Instead, I arrive home and the laundry calls, the cat wants pets, my partner starts to discuss the latest book he’s been listening to on his iPod, I remember that I need to return my mother’s call. Time continues its incessant flow, and the time I could have put to making something has already joined the river.

So I’ve invoked a creation versus consumption smackdown.  At this time, there is no clear advantage to either side (especially with having two new craft shops opened near my home and work), but I’ll catch you up on how things are progressing!

Five Month Anniversary

16 Monday Jan 2012

Posted by in Bike Life, Bloggin Noggin, Boston Moments, Green Life, Learnin', With Friends

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Mari's Heart hands

I am five month’s happy with Whole Heart Local and, to celebrate, I’ve compiled a list of five favorite posts from 2011.

If you would like to celebrate with me, please post in the comments YOUR favorite post (or five) from your own blog!

Celebrating the elements: http://wholeheartlocal.com/2011/12/22/winter-mornings-jersey-vs-boston/

Daily richness and beauty: http://wholeheartlocal.com/2011/12/08/weekend-wonder/

Growth from opposition: http://wholeheartlocal.com/2011/09/21/wrath-on-the-bike-path/

Cherished time with friends: http://wholeheartlocal.com/2011/10/13/whole-heart-vermont/

Hanging with the gents at City Feed:
http://wholeheartlocal.com/2011/10/08/this-moment-city-feed-supply-jp/

An Open Letter To My Sewing Machine

11 Wednesday Jan 2012

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Baby Lock sewing machine with flowers

Dear Baby Lock,

There are times I think you hate me.  There are times when I feel thankful for your considerable weight.  Moments when the scent of your oiled mechanism, when I open the door to untangle stubborn thread from the cage that encircles your bobbin, is so potent yet so welcome.

The story of how you were acquired is to me cherished family mythology: my mother, driving, was once struck by another car.  An insurance payment for the damage went not to correct the dent, but instead brought you into our lives.  You impressed us with your newness, your computerized components, and our ability to program you, if only we understood how.

You who sewed a winning ice cream sandwich costume.

You who foiled my brother’s attempts to repair leather car seat covers, despite the specially purchased needles.

Who passed semi-frequently from my mother to her sister at rest stops on the New Jersey Garden State Parkway, both of whom would take you home with good intentions, and then accomplish nothing.

You with not a single actual opinion about me -love or hate- but much to say about denim.

We think we can do more with you than we are realistically able, but just having you in our possession inspires us to dream.

Librarytour: Library Love, Counting the Ways

09 Monday Jan 2012

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This past weekend, I had the opportunity (and good fortune) to visit the Field’s Corner branch of the BPL.  Unfortunately, my camera ran out of battery just when I was about to go crazy snapping photos.  Fortunately, I enjoyed a ten minute conversation with the children’s department librarian about all-things library: from the politics of funding for branch libraries, to the whys/hows/and why-nots of displaying books, to culling collections, to how children learn.

Our conversation was fascinating, and brought one concept to light for me: I often engage with a library through it’s structure and architectural design not because I like architecture (which I kind of do,) but because it’s a way for me to experience the library beyond just checking out materials.

Put more simply, I’m looking for light, I’m looking for cozy, for the parts of the library that appeal to my kid-self.  I’m looking for what would draw my mother, my father -what keeps their particular interest (magazines for Dad, travel DVDs for Mom.)  I’m looking for the eating spaces, the opportunities to tuck oneself away for much desired solitude in a busy, people-stuffed life.  To the efforts by library staff to tantalize teens: the computers and comics, the clubs and activities.  For me, more than books does a library make!

Cambridge Public Library - Opening Day

Will the BPL forgive my use of this CPL photo to accompany this post?

Whole Heart Resolute Take Two

06 Friday Jan 2012

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Ah, ha!  As promised, my 2011 resolutions and summarized results:

Resolutions:

  • Focus on improving my health, including my co-counseling practice, meditation, “dance therapy,” learning to stretch, and establishing a pre-bed routine –a work in progress. I did a fair amount of dancing (for free even! with people I love!), and learned a few meditation techniques that slipped off me faster than rain down a greased window.
  • Be more courageous in my interactions with people; talk less, listen more –another work in progress, though I’m happy with my level of attention to this resolution. “Talk less, listen more” was my mantra for the year.
  • Refocus my energy towards writing and craft, including setting up a desk/creative workspace –done! Well, the workspace, anyway. I’m still working on the writing and craftin’ part.  Interestingly, film photography sprung up in my life and I’ve tripped along behind like a child to the piper.
  • Be more intentional about celebrating my partnership –I suppose you’d have to ask the person at the other end about my progress! I’m quite good at not taking him for granted, but he’s far more skilled at little affections like bringing me flowers and limoncello, or graciously ignoring my rolled eyes at his many jokes and puns.

Goals:

  • Sell the novel –nope! However, my writer’s group of a decade has a project under it’s belt that I hope to share very soon.
  • Update my resume by spring 2011 –done. Solid, but much too lengthy.  Hey!  None of us is perfect.
  • Visit Seattle with my partner and our friend Barry in spring 2011 –oh, Seattle!  Mythical re-location city of my imagination.  This was one of those goals I had my doubts about when I set it to paper, insisting that the simple act of writing could summon the same magic that bundled me, despite my lost passport and lack of cash, and set me in Paris one year earlier. 
  • Collect five new pieces of art or writing created by friends –on my way. Purchased: Underlife by January Gill O’Neil, Cat Secrets by Jef Czekaj, and a burnt toast plush by a crafter I admire.

—

Now that those are out-of-the-way, stay tuned for Whole Heart Resolve 2012!  It’ll knock your socks off.  If you have socks.  If you want them knocked off.

Muddy sneaker

Whole Heart Resolute

03 Tuesday Jan 2012

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Ready for wine - New Years Day 2012

I was never one for new year’s resolutions. For one, contemporary culture convinced the younger-me that resolutions were a fiction of the sort that also brought us unicorns and guilt-free candy. For another, the new year often rushes up and rolls over before I’ve time to contemplate what went and what’s to come.  Third, I’m not sure I completely believe in the concept of a year as I’ve learned it!

In 2010, however, I caught the resolution bug.  Maybe it was starting that 101 list back in 2009 but, somehow, writing an idea down and telling people about it became to me a magic of the sort that also brings us natural impossibilities.  I became addicted.

For 2012, I haven’t yet had the opportunity to form fully realized thoughts beyond what can I eat next or is it bedtime yet, so I can safely say I haven’t settled my resolve for the coming cycle of sun and moon. Thus, to buy myself some time, I’d like to share my annotated 2010 accomplishments/attempts (as described in a different digital journal.)

Stay tuned for my 2011 outlook.

2010

  • Begin each work day by writing down three tasks to accomplish – after practicing for about a year, I now consider this a fully internalized habit. Big score for this resolution!
  • Visit Jaleesa in Paris, France – done and done!  After discovering my passport missing the day before I left, and the requisite broken heart, me and mine made the impossible possible and I flew to France as the honored representative from family Newby/Sinclair/Jones. Got to take a break from the hyperactive U.S., pleasure in traveling alone, and, for the first time in my life, spent five unchaperoned days alongside my favorite cousin/younger sibling -getting to know her better and enjoying the city through her eyes. Then I visited my long-loved friend, her sister, and family in Leipzig, Germany. A big win on this resolution/adventure/misadventure.
  • Each week, plan a session of down time, reading time, and writing time –continuous, I succeeded better on the writing front than on reading and down time. Kudos to my favorite co-counseling partner for teaching me how to sit still and listen, and feel not only content in doing so, but also honored for the opportunity. Kudos to me for applying this skill to other parts of my life –you haven’t heard anything til you’ve listened to the sound of thirty geese plucking and eating grass down by the muddy river as you swoop past on your bike, under a rain grayed sky. Kudos to my partner for morning walks, and through whom I’ve “read” all sorts of books and magazine articles vicariously. Kudos to the library. This is a resolution to keep working on. 
  • Complete a version of my middle grade novel to send to interested agent by summer 2010 –to be continued, Finished my second draft summer 2010 -was it August? Still not the book I want it to be, so I started round three in the fall and worked my way to the middle of the book by December 2010. 
  • Find one way to celebrate each season and record/blog about it –nope, Did the celebrating via experiencing and being out in the world. Not so much the blogging.
  • Post to Librarytour once per month –nope, Still struggling with this one. I need to talk through the blog, figure out what my intention (other than the obvious: celebrate libraries, travel,) and re-imagine how I want to work with it.

My Writing Critic: An Exposé

30 Friday Dec 2011

Posted by in Bloggin Noggin, Learnin'

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Writing with Pho

After many years of writing, I’ve learned to recognize my internal critic. It’s a faceless voice that borrows my identity, intrudes in the most casual fashion, to convince me by slow, relentless repetition that I have absolutely no business doing what I’m doing. My critic, whom I’ve never named or made in any way cute, cannot be ignored or banished, only endured. But this is okay, we know our roles: I am the writer, it is The Invalidator who appears mostly when I’m creating fiction, rarely otherwise (such as when I’m producing eight pages of exposition for work.)

Imagine my surprise then when my critic appeared over my shoulder with a megaphone shortly after I created Librarytour. With that inaugural blog, the critic, who enjoys exposing me for a fraud, threw itself into the task. Here, I’d like to return the favor (with teeth) and share with you its claims:

  • You are not a librarian
  • You don’t work in a library, and haven’t since 1996 (even then you were just a page)
  • You are not an architect and therefore have no business critiquing a library’s structure, design, or lay-out
  • By the way, you have zero credentials
  • Your camera and photos are sub-par
  • You are not clever
  • Your tone is inconsistent
  • You really should be posting more often
  • You really should be putting your full attention on your middle-grade novel (which, by the way, sucks)

Librarytour, spindly from the start, wilted beneath this assault. Which is why I had to rethink my desire to blog –consider the focus, my goals, and intended audience (beyond myself and my mother)- and salvage the energy and creativity to re-assign them to Whole Heart Local.

Again, the internal critic, expertly mic’ed:

  • And you’re the authority on what, exactly?
  • This blog lacks focus
  • You should have stuck with Librarytour, that idea was at least original
  • You’re going to be really embarrassed when Brené Brown discovers you stole her whole hearted idea
  • It’s not safe to use words like “whole hearted”
  • There are billions of blogs in the world, what makes you think people will read yours?
  • Notice how few people are visiting daily
  • Soon enough, you’re going to receive hate email
  • You spelled that word wrong
  • You’ll never be able to keep this up

Should I take this to indicate that my internal critic is threatened by my attempts and growing devotion to the blogging process? Perhaps I’m on to something.

Does your internal writing critic enter the blogosphere, or even attempt to muck up the flow of your emails? If so, join me! Expose your critic in the comments.