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Phoebe Sinclair Writes

Phoebe Sinclair Writes

Tag Archives: fandom

Whole Heart Update – Spring 2018 Edition

19 Tuesday Jun 2018

Posted by Phoebe (she / hers) in Boston Moments, Community, Learnin', Readin', Writing Life

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boston, comics, events, fandom, inspiration, learning, poetry, spring, writing

Hi! I’m checking in, after many months way. As I wrote back in the winter, I’ve been taking time off from Whole Heart Local, my trusty blog and web home since 2011. There are a number of projects in the works that I’m pleased to finally have an opportunity to note. Several are writing projects, several relate to paid-work (read: jobbity-jobs), several more are straight-out wanderings, and at least two aren’t mine. Several + several + several adds up to A LOT, hence my continued absence at WHL and well as MIA hours of sleep. My mom, and maybe somebody else, says “you can sleep when you’re dead!” and, while I might not go that far, I’ll admit that I’m proud of what I’ve been able to accomplish recently.

Writing

Edits: Intermediate Fiction Novel
Those of you who know me personally, or have met me and asked what I’m writing, will recall that I’ve been plugging away at a novel featuring a 12-year-old, Halloween, and a zine. As I wrote in a blog post for my Fellowship, at 13-years-old the manuscript has out-aged the protagonist. Nonetheless, I’ve got stacks of colored index cards, notes, writer’s critique group edits, and Scrivener’s document files at the ready to make good on completing yet another reorganization/revision. Stay tuned.

Edits: Other Manuscripts
You can read more on this blog’s Writer Page, but suffice to say that there are a number of other projects idling on the runway for when the above novel manuscript achieves lift-off, in whatever form that takes.

Fellowship: Writer’s Room of Boston
Early in 2018, I applied for a Fellowship at the Writer’s Room of Boston. Writing space is something I’ve long struggled to obtain –especially space near to home. I was honored, grateful and excited to be awarded the Ivan Gold Fellowship for 2018, which means I’m able to access a quiet, retreat space in Downtown Boston, shared with paying members of the room and other Fellows. So far, I’ve been utilizing the space at least twice per week and it’s making a significant difference in my productivity. Equally important, the Fellowship has raised the profile of my creative writing endeavors in an increasingly overcrowded schedule.

An requirement of my Fellowship is to pen WROB blog posts, check ’em out:

  • Writer’s Math
  • Why Review Books? A Personal History

WROB work station

Community: Boston Writers of Color
This Facebook group, supported by GrubStreet, is comprised of writers in the Boston area. Even though I’ve only been able to make it to one IRL event, meeting other writers of color in my vicinity and learning what they’re working on, struggling with, and achieving energizes me. I’m following and participating in an effort called the Rejection Joy Tally, where people send in notice of their rejected submissions. Related, I attended a Submit-a-Thon event back in March, where writers of varying ages and backgrounds gathered at Grubstreet to submit work to publishers, contests, journals, etc., as well as work on projects to shine them up submission-ready.

Paid Work

Community Liaison at Agassiz Baldwin Community
I know that some in the Interwebs-sphere believe that I’m a librarian because I endlessly talk about books, reading, and libraries. In fact, I am not. (I did work in a library during my teen years.) As is the nature of nonprofit work, my role at Agassiz Baldwin Community comprises many disparate elements. My title, Community Liaison, I tend to oversimplify as “writer and charmer” or, even “I talk to people.” I primarily organize and support a nearly 50-year-old neighborhood advocacy group, and secondarily manage long-standing community events; ‘master’ several websites; and, more recently, provide facilitation and communication supports. What I deemed a job for a decade looks more and more like a “life-style.” It’s completely bizarre and unpredictable. I love it.

Associate, Essential Partners
I started attending workshops and training at Essential Partners, then Public Conversations Project, to gain skills to help me better serve the Neighborhood Council (see above.) Several years passed and I got in deeper with the EP crew –showing up to pretty much any free learning opportunity they hosted. In 2016, I was invited to take part in a pilot apprenticeship program and BAM. To my surprise and absolutely no one else’s, I’m now officially working with EP as an associate. What am I doing, people often ask? With my super-impressive colleagues, helping people and communities develop the skills and knowledge to successfully engage across difference. (Also, this winter I got to work with two very different communities in NYC and Wyoming –so yeah, there’s that. #wander!)

Freelance Consulting
Not sure how to describe this yet as it’s a thing that’s happening almost without my calling it forth. ☺??!

Wandering

Mentor for Institute for Nonprofit Practice
I was invited to mentor a Community Fellow student at the Institute for Nonprofit Practice. My bright, skilled mentee and I met a few times during the winter and spring and discussed what I’ve learned working in the nonprofit sector for over a decade, as well as both of our early community building experiences. It was hard to imagine what else I might offer to someone who is already so well prepared to stride forward and lead. In that paradox of imparting knowledge and insight, I gained as much as I shared.

Learn more about the Institute: https://vimeo.com/230456427

Fan Fiction Theatre
Although my affection for fan fiction is apparently never dying, I myself am not really an author of such. Except . . . I am? Or, was! At age ten I wrote a poem in the voice of Samwise Gamgee and kept it because it turns out I’m an excellent archivist of my own work. Good thing: that poem came in handy for the Fan Fiction Theatre, a fun and hilarious event hosted by The Ladies of Comicazi, a volunteer-run “community devoted to consuming, critiquing, and creating comics and pop culture.”

Check out the LOC blog for a full recap of the event. In brief: I read two poems to the great amusement of those gathered. The opportunity for old work to find new value and an audience was a treat.

  • J.R.R. Tolkien’s Sam Waxes Wise
  • Nobody Wishes Batman Happy Father’s Day

Phoebe fan fiction theatre

The Human Library
The Human Library is an event that I’ve been itching to host in some form or another, so I jumped at a chance to participate when I saw Cambridge Community TV and the Cambridge Pubic Library had collaborated to run it. The goal of the event, originally out of Denmark, is to challenge prejudice by bringing people of different identities together to learn about one another. “Readers” are invited to check “Books” out for a specific amount of time, and precautions are taken to ensure that the experience is safe and pleasant for everyone. I signed up to be a “Book” and my description was:

Title: Writer, Wanderer, Friend . . . Radical?
Excerpt: Meet Phoebe Sinclair – writer, wanderer, friend and radical. She is ready to discuss her experiences growing up during the “colorblind” 1980s, and also to talk about natural hair, fresh food warriors, and the Nation of Islam.

About seven people (some in groups) checked me out for 30-40 minutes each, and I engaged in conversations about what it means to be a radical (which, admittedly, isn’t a title I normally claim); what I write; and most intriguing to me, what it means to wander. I’m still thinking on the experience and would definitely do it again. Cherry on top, I “checked out the book” that is the new Cambridge Police Commissioner Branville G. Bard, Jr. Fascinating.

Podcasts
Participating in the Fan Fiction Theatre spun several other opportunities for me to get my wander on. One was being a guest on Paragraph’s Lost. Host Tim Hewitt and I chatted about my high school self and I read several poems that I’d written during those years. Tim’s impressively apt episode description: “Phoebe makes strides to stay an individual while balancing two high schools and a library gig. Parents magazine proves invaluable.” Take a listen.

I’ve also been a guest on the fun, funny, and insightful Ladies of Comicazi Podcast, sharing reactions to the movie Avengers: Infinity War, with particular attention to how Marvel movies’ treat female characters. Take a listen.

Partner Projects

Literally, my partner’s projects. Although I’m not directly involved with David’s music endeavors (I cheer from the sidelines), I’m including them here because GO DAVE!!! and also being exhausted vicariously is 4realz.

Double Star
After a year of band and song development, Double Star has launched and will soon be playing on a stage near you (in greater Boston.) Self-described: “Double Star fuses female-fronted alternative rock onto a chassis of R&B inflected punk. With their emphasis on vocal harmonies, effected guitars, catchy melodies, and R&B rhythms, they recall The Clash, Belly, Big Star, Liz Phair, Ramones and Indigo Girls.”

Like ‘em on Facebook to catch ‘em live!

Double Star_FB

A Midsummer Night’s Dream
As Music Director for an outdoor performance of my favorite Bard comedy, David teams up with a Double Star bandmate and other area musicians. The show is being produced by Theatre@First, a volunteer community theatre based in Somerville, MA. Performances continue to the end of June 2018, and you can learn more on their website.

Fanfictions I Have Loved: An Interview with Nonymos

22 Wednesday Jun 2016

Posted by Phoebe (she / hers) in Learnin', Readin', Writing Life

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

comics, fandom, interview, writing

Welcome to my first WHL interview! With a writer no less! A fanfiction writer! I’m so excited!!! Clue screaming and wavy arms, a la Muppets.

Okay. Now I’ll quit with the exclamation points. But I can’t stop won’t stop my gratitude towards Nonymos, whose exciting, smart, adventurous, and well-composed fics prompted me to establish a OTP before I even knew what the term meant. It was through interacting with her in the comments section of a story that an idea was birthed: maybe other folk who’ve been curious about fics but feel too shy to try ’em . . . or people who love learning about artists’ processes . . . or maybe even interview-junkies, will want in on this conversation, too. You’re welcome.

Nonymos was ever so gracious as to embark on this effort with me. Who knows where it will lead? Here we go. Oh, wait. In the spirit of full-disclosure, some non-graphic but nonetheless adult themes are discussed below. If you click through to fics, please be aware of the same (save for the non-graphic part).

1. Starting from the beginning, what did your early reading life look like and who are your writing influences?

Most of my life has been devoted to reading. Even as a little girl it was all I wanted to do—I exhausted my parents asking for my favorite books to be read again and again and again, and that is actually how I learned how to read, when I was four years old.

When I was a kid, I read a lot of early YA stuff and a boatload of Franco-Belgian comics (I still know them by heart.) I’ve also been very interested in manga for a couple few years. After I got into fandom I started reading American comics, and my collection is steadily growing. All of this taught me about the importance of having good characters and an engaging plot.

The love of beautiful writing came when I started my Literature studies. During those years I caught up on all the classical reading I hadn’t done before. It taught me how to analyze, criticize and dissect a piece of fiction; and it also helped me understand the value of poetry in language—aka why it’s possible to write a good book about nothing as long as it’s well-written. But I firmly believe truly great books are the ones that know how to combine good writing with good content. I was already writing a bit then, but that’s when I really started seriously, and I haven’t stopped since. Won a couple of prizes for short stories, which was very encouraging.

My Masters thesis was about the fantastic in modern fiction. Most of it focused on Argentinean author Julio Cortázar, who taught me how to use words beyond their immediate meaning, and Neil Gaiman, who… NEIL! GAIMAN! I think I can safely say he’s my favorite author. I’m still not done talking about American Gods. I never will be.

I’m in the middle of another Masters now (in publishing) and working a part-time job in a publishing house. My job there is to screen the manuscripts, which as you can imagine fits me perfectly. It’s also teaching me to see books from the other side of the publishing barrier for the first time. I’m still learning a lot inside and out.

2. When and how did you arrive at fanfiction?

I first became familiar with the concept of fanfiction when I was fifteen, thanks to the manga community. What little I read was in French, and as embarrassing and cringey as you can imagine. Baby’s First Fandom! I quickly lost interest in it, and for a couple of years I was convinced I was done being into stuff “so obsessively.”

Fanart_WarChildren_Parisa

Illustration by Parisa for ‘War, Children’ saltdryad.tumblr.com

Oh what a fool I was.

The year 2012 was a game-changer. It’s ridiculous but it’s true. If I hadn’t decided to go and see Avengers with friends, my life would have been very, very different. I came out of the movie absolutely hyped up on fun. My classical training infused me with a vague contempt for mainstream stuff—but Avengers smashed through those barriers. To the point that I yearned to stay in that universe for a bit longer; a feeling I hadn’t had since my manga days. Mostly I longed to explore the fallout of what had happened between Clint Barton and Loki Laufeyson. So I wrote a fic. It’s still on the AO3. It’s absolutely terrible. But it sated my need at the time. I stepped back thinking I was done.

But then I wrote another one. And then another one. I fully expected the obsession to fade eventually, like it had every time such a thing had happened to me before. But it didn’t fade. It just branched out; through it I discovered a lot of new things (Tumblr, its particular brand of deadpan cynicism, and many things about gender and sexuality) and learned a helluva lot about writing, thanks to the feedback of my readers and my own continued discontent with what I was posting.

3. Your style has a lot of interesting rhythm: bold sentence variation and moments where characters go completely stream of consciousness. Is this flow intuitive, are you drawing from influences and/or writing instruction? Maybe a mix?

Thanks! And no—I am utterly unable to follow instructions when it comes to writing. Europeans in general consider that writing cannot be taught, only learned. I mostly agree. I write what feels right. Same goes for influences; I let myself be influenced, it’s not conscious work. So yes, it’s mostly intuition.

It’s when I reread myself that some instructions come into the mix—kill your darlings; show, don’t tell; substance over style. I try to delete as much as I can. Tighten up my writing to the max. If I’m using several sentences to express one idea it’s not good. Reread, delete again, aim for maximum efficiency.

4. What’s easiest and most difficult about writing fanfic?

Writing fanfiction is addictive. Mostly because it’s so easy. (It’s a slippery slope, too—my first stories were bad because I mixed up easy and cheap.) The characters are already there. The universe is already there. All you have to do is combine them in new and exciting ways. And you get so involved in it—because you’ve spent so much time there, it’s like home. I’ve read stories I would have found absolutely inane if they’d involved original characters; but since they were about my OTP they were suddenly fascinating.

There’s nothing I find difficult about writing fanfiction in itself. The difficult part happens when it’s time to break the habit—aka when I work on my original stuff. I get frustrated with my characters because I do not immediately love them and know them. I must relearn patience and worldbuilding.

5. What’s it like writing in a second language?

Immensely satisfying regarding the punctuation. Bet you didn’t think I’d say that!

The French dialogue is in hyphenated form, and it’s absurdly frustrating.

Observe:
“Wait,” said Bucky. He was shaking. “That’s not what I meant.”
Ahh. So clear. So clean-cut.

And now with French punctuation:
— Wait, said Bucky. He was shaking. That’s not what I meant.

I HATE THIS. Of course you could use French quotation marks, but it’s a tiresome and frankly old-school business. Punctuation forces me to pace my writing (and particularly my dialogues) differently in English and in French. Same goes for vocabulary. Some things cannot be translated. Such as “What the hell?” There is no equivalent in French. Of course, it goes both ways—I’ll think of a perfect French phrase, and then I’ll grumble trying to express it in English.

Mostly I’m a lot more confident when I write in English—and that’s because I am tone-deaf to a lot of preconceptions and subtleties. I learned English at school. I’ve become more comfortable with the language as I wrote and I read and watched movies in it. But it’s not organic to me and it never will be. When I write in French I agonize over every single detail; I am aware of the hidden meanings under every single word; every single sentence seems either too heavy or too bland. In English, I’m happy when I achieve proper grammar and when I manage to get my point across. It’s relaxing.

6. In the first story of yours that I read, “In The Details” from “The Marvel Fractions” series, New York City factors largely. Have you ever visited? What is important to consider about describing a location not your own?

Nope! Never been to New York! (I did spend three hours in JFK once, on my way to Arizona. But that was after writing the fanfic, anyway.) But it didn’t matter. I wasn’t writing about New York; I was writing about Clint’s building in Bedford-Stuyvesant, which is largely described and explored in the comics. I didn’t feel the need to learn anything about the real New York. That happened later—when I wrote War, Children. For that one I did a lot of research.

I think the most important thing to consider is this: if you’ve never been there, then you’ve never been there. You don’t know how it actually is. No amount of research is gonna change that. So don’t spend too much time waxing poetic about the atmosphere of the city—describe the building or the street you need, and move on.

7. Continuing with “The Marvel Fractions,” this series was my first time reading about a deliberate and positive mismatch in sexuality. One protagonist – Clint Barton, aka Hawkeye- identifies as straight and the other -Bruce Banner, aka the Hulk- doesn’t specify any sexual identity, yet [spoiler alert!] they get together. Of course, both are solidly heterosexual in the Marvel Comics canon. What drew you to depicting the characters this way?

I actually already wrote a huge rant about this here http://archiveofourown.org/comments/28327105 if you’re interested.

I’m tired of heterosexuality as the norm. But I’m also a bit tired of “everyone is inexplicably queer” rewritings in fandom (though I ain’t judging—I’ve done it before and will do it again!) I wanted to try something different. Clint Barton is conspicuously heterosexual in the comics, having had many affairs with numerous women. Bruce Banner spends too much time on the run to ever really focus on romance, so his canon is more flexible and so he was the one I chose to depict as (presumably) pansexual.

And I really like writing about uncategorized love. In the end, are Bruce and Clint boyfriends? Are they “just” friends with one-sided benefits? It doesn’t really matter. They’ve become family to each other. The rest is just… technicalities.

8. Continuing with this subject, sexuality and sexual situations factor significantly into fanworks. I’m fascinated by the idea that many (female?) writers are not only focusing on same sex male pairings, they’re also imbuing men with feminine values, strengths, and cultures while at the same time remarking on masculine values, strengths, and cultures. What are your thoughts on this?

Fandom is definitely a female-dominated space. It’s amazing in many ways, but it also has its shortcomings. People have criticized the staggering amount of M/M pairings by accusing the female writers of fetishism (the same way straight guys enjoy lesbian porn.) For some of them it’s definitely true, but in our general defense (speaking for the MCU fandom here) I can say this:

– Setting aside love interests (Peggy Carter, Pepper Potts) and secondary characters (Maria Hill, Darcy Lewis) we only have two female characters: Natasha Romanov and Wanda Maximoff. Neither of them has their own movie, and I can’t recall a single line of dialogue between them.

– Fanfiction is about pushing back against a very patriarchal mainstream media; so we write lots of queer characters, lots of men who are actually allowed to access and express their feelings, and lots of women who do not engage in sex and/or romance. When you add all those factors up, you get a predominance of M/M pairings.

– Seriously. We’re desperate for male characters to finally get a bit of sweet lovin’, and we’re desperate for female characters to do literally anything else with their time. Look at how Tumblr reacted to Pacific Rim, Captain America: Winter Soldier and Mad Max: Fury Road. It was like a breath of fresh air.

Society and entertainment influence each other. People do what they see, and write what they do. I think writing stories is essential to shaping ourselves as a culture. Despite the very real threat of fetishism, I think fanfiction is mostly a feminist endeavor.

9. It’s not an exaggeration to say that fanfic writers crave comments! How does reader input impact your process? Do you have rules around criticism or negative comments?

In my author’s notes I’m regularly screaming I LIVE FOR COMMENTS! and encouraging readers to leave comments as long and detailed as they want. Feedback is essential to understanding what works and what doesn’t when it comes to posting a story. You learn how to reference it better, so readers find it more easily; you learn how to pace it better, so your readers will be hooked after the first chapter and willing to bear with you for several thousand words; you learn how to maximize the emotional impact of your writing, so readers will want to read more of your work. Puzzling out all that would be a lot more difficult without comments!

And it’s about the joy of sharing, too. The happy feedback loop of fanfiction is so pure. I had fun writing this; you had fun reading it; let’s rant about the things we love!

Criticism is always difficult to absorb, but it’s also needed. If it’s polite and legitimate, I’ll welcome it. But negative comments—people who just come in to say “I didn’t like it”—those are just malicious. If I’m reading something I don’t like, I just close the tab. The author doesn’t need to know about it. Thankfully, gratuitous rudeness isn’t encouraged in fandom at all, and I’m happy I never had a lot of comments like this.

10. Name three other artists, writers of fanfic or otherwise, to whom you’d like to give a shout out. What should we know about them?

Speranza! One of the most amazing writers in the MCU fandom, imo. (20th Century Limited should be illegal.) Everything they touch turns to gold.

M_Leigh! Her works are spectacular (I am still sobbing over Middletown)—and she’s the co-founder of Big Bang Press. Now that’s applied fanfiction.

bluandorange! Their writing and drawings leave me breathless—but mostly it’s their meta I’m awestruck by. Their opinions on Steve Rogers heavily influenced the way I write him.

11. Okay this last question is inspired by one of my new favorite podcasts, Fanbros. At the beginning of each episode, the hosts dub themselves with funny and clever code-names, which they call AKAs (also-known-as). In the spirit of fanfic, where writers largely go by pen names, what other monikers might you choose for yourself?

Oh, I didn’t know about that—thanks, I’ll go listen to them! And um… I don’t know… This is Nonymos, aka Nobody Expects the Superhero Obsession. Keep writin’!

Winter Bike Break – Read and Listen

25 Thursday Feb 2016

Posted by Phoebe (she / hers) in Bike Life, Readin'

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bike-commuting, book-love, fandom, podcast-love, winter

Of my identities, one of the most commented-upon is city cyclist. I’ve ridden through sun, snow, sleet, 5:30 AM sleepies, whatever. People call me hardcore but I’ve got limits to my desire and ability, though perhaps not what you’d expect (i.e. heavy traffic, extreme cold, the occasional near-monsoon.) It’s more like: I just haven’t been reading enough or, I fell in love with this new podcast. Or I’ve been overwhelmed, yet again, by this unshakable fanfiction habit.

There’s only so much time in a day, right? Work must happen. Laundry folded. Litter boxes cleaned. As well I’ve been experiencing low-grade hip ache (here’s looking at you Cambridge Dance Party; here’s looking at you, late 30s.) So came December 2015, Desmond Puddin’ went down for a bit of a break so I could spend my 45-min morning commute squished between puffy coats on the MBTA Orange Line, wrestling my earbuds into compliance or dragging out a paperback while eyeing just how many of my fellow travelers worship at the shrine of glass/plastic/metal (many!) or paper (more than you’d guess.)

What siren called me off my bike this winter? Thought you’d never ask.

Fav Podcasts/Winter 2016

Another Round – My number #1. Heben and Tracy soothe and validate my inner, lonely high school weird-girl. Real. Honest. With laughter that rivals the breathless contagion of Click & Clack, their energy and synergy are utterly unique. I’ve converted at least five people to this podcast, and counting . . .

Dear Sugar Radio – The Sugars open doors. Together, Cheryl and Steve are compassionate, thoughtful, clever and clear-eyed, often moving the conversation and their advice in a direction you wouldn’t expect. I listen almost as soon as episodes show up in my feed.

FanBros – As a kid, I sometimes watched a TV show simply to listen to the opening theme (yup, Disney’s Gummi Bears). FanBros begins each episode in an equally joyful and compelling fashion, but then I’m happy to experience the rest (unlike aforementioned cartoon). Comics I Copped is one of my favorite segments, and I’m always interested to hear what co-host Tatiana King-Jones brings to the table. Overall, I love the range of ‘black and brown’ voices. Yum.(Also, it’s my secret desire to one day attend a show DJ’ed by BenHaMeen in NYC.)

Black Girl Nerds – Jamie Broadnax keeps me connected to a wide, wide word of nerddom and geekdom (with a focus on the POC experience) that I’d otherwise completely miss.

Reading Lives – You know how magazines and websites feature interviews that ask public personalities about their favorite books? Reading Lives is better. There hasn’t been an episode in a bit, but I hope host Jeff O’Neal brings back this gem.

Popaganda – Feminism and pop culture. I’ve listened to some great essays and been exposed to voices and perspectives I’d otherwise miss via this Bitch Media podcast.

Note to Self – Newest on my podcast feed. First, can I say how much I enjoy Manoush Zomorodi’s speaking voice? I do. The show openly and throughly examines how we live with technology, how we want to. Great production sound.

Fav Reads/Winter 2016

Sidewalk Flowers by JonArno Lawson and Sydney Smith (illustrator) -appears to be a children’s picture book; is actually a meditation on the mindful life

Revolutionary Petunias by Alice Walker – oh, you know. Some verses from Queen Alice. My favorite poem from the collection: “For My Sister Molly Who in the Fifties”. Look it up

Ms. Marvel Vol. 1 & 2 – by G. Willow Wilson – I was surprised into loving this. Tell your daughters, your sisters, your mom! Also, jackalope

Between the World and Me by Ta’neshi Coats – finally made it through the kazillion holds on the audio book at my public library to listen to what everyone, (including an author I most admire), was talking about. Yup. It’s beautiful. It’s painful. It’s good

At My Back by SallyExactly on A03 – a new chapter prompted me to re-read the whole shebang, all 474,300+ words of some of the best, most context-filled, and comprehensive writing about archer-spy Clint Barton (Hawkeye) and spy-assassin Natasha Romanoff/Romonova (Black Widow.). This Avengers fic -breakneck, adventuresome, serious, humorous, artful- is one of the best I’ve read. Ever. This is what comics and superhero tales could be

 

 

 

Fanfictions I have . . . WHOA

11 Wednesday Nov 2015

Posted by Phoebe (she / hers) in Learnin', Writing Life

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Tags

book-love, fandom, writing

Lets talk about sex.

IMG_0482

Let’s talk about 1997. A fresh sophomore in college, I’d been noticing a trend. My male peers -more specifically my straight-identified male peers- were increasingly expressing enthusiasm for same sex relationships. More specifically, those of women. Most specifically, women seeking intimacy with one another in the proximity of those same straight men.

Cue suspicion. Cue my late-high school feminist awakening, re-woke. Cue my BS-Spidey sense (TM), and aggravated Black girl loud-sigh+side-eye.

Cough! Fetish. Ahem. Exoticism. Male supremacist co-opting of women and women’s cultures for base, shallow titillation.

And although I didn’t hang with girls who practiced the art of sucking-face-to-garner-male attention, I do remember arguing with guys who wolf-whistled when ladyactors on the boob tube sized one another up. It was triply frustrating (and betraying) when these guys were people I liked and respected.

Leave it to dudes, I groused, to take something not about then, make it about them, and then blast you when you call them on it. Women would never behave that way, I told myself. When would they ever get the opportunity?

P1010339

Let’s talk about downtown Boston, and junior or senior me. I’m walking (here! Sorry, NYC joke) and before me: two ladies, two guys. There’s some discussion, nervous giggling, but my attention is caught fast when the chortles start. My eyes light on two conservatively-dressed young men reaching to reluctantly . . . hold hands. They keep at for a few paces of encouragement on the part of their girlfriends, then drop and retreat to heteronormative safety.

Huh. Ok. Well.

IMG_0270

Let’s talk about being a quarter of the way through Rainbow Rowell’s Fangirl. I laughed to read about the young fanfic authors rewiring their favorite male characters into a relationship. That’s funny, I thought, assuming a one-off, a nod to the ebullient sexuality of teen girls. Nope. Didn’t stop there.

Finally, let’s talk about fanfiction. About a world of terms new to my 30-something self. (Shipping, anyone? Get Spock? OTP? Schmoop?) About what appears to be hundreds (thousands?) of hobby writers penning same sex smut featuring bizarre, hilarious, and otherwise unlikely pairings. (Lets side-whisper about how those pairing are largely male. Hmm. Lets read into that.) Not romance, nor erotica, but scads of smut. Enough to make the Library of Congress faint (perhaps; if the Library collects Tweets, it’s likely no innocent).

What does this tell me? I was in college for the beginning of the Internet as we currently know it, but I understand now that some of my cis-gendered ladypeers, silent in the face of dudepeers’ leering and sexist assumptions, headed back to their dorms after a dinner of butter pasta and Lucky Charms marshmallow-topped ice cream to type for hours about Harry or Scully or Dawson getting it on with overwritten Mary Sams.

IMG_8217

So yes. Sexism. Lets talk about that. Long before I paid attention to fanzines or fandoms or fanhood, I’d heard dismissive, disgusted jokes about the Twilight-inspired fic-turned-book, 50 Shades of Gray. This ‘novel’, I was to understand on the occasions I heard someone speak on it, featured awful ‘writing’ and horrid BDSM (sorry, not gonna link to that wiki-page). Lots of it. Too much.

I haven’t read Shades (actually, I have, but a different one), but having perused the sometimes shocking virtual shelves of fanfiction (oh, no. I can’t unsee that!), I’ve begun to draw inferences and assume causation in that way so-human (animal?) and I suspect misogyny behind the loud, plentiful mocking.

There blooms the question: who owns sex? Sexuality? Who gets noticed? Upon whom are awards heaped for gender-defining (or perhaps gender confirming) research? Who writes the columns? The NYT pieces? Who develops the rules around moral code and ethical behavior?

Who designs the bras at Victoria’s Secret and then pumps college mailboxes full of circulars and come-hither coupons for instant desirability? (As long as you’re long-legged, trim-hipped, pert-boobed, and straight-haired.)

And who let loose that wily imp, the Internet, to wreak havoc on consumption’s status quo while creating a modus operandi yet to sit still long enough for anybody to get a good grasp. I’ll be the first to claim you can’t see it while you’re in it. (I’ll be the second to say I didn’t research a lick to write this opinion piece, so don’t forget to inoculate with salt.)

I’ll be the third to say: lets talk. Fanfiction . . . whoa! Lots to see (think/suspect/run from/study/celebrate) here. Stay tuned for more*.

*Hastily curated museum of grow-some-patience idioms from my ’80s/’90s childhood.

Exhibit A: But you don’t have take my word for it.

Exhibit B: You make each day a special day. You know how, by just your being you.

Exhibit D: Same Bat-time, same Bat-channel.

Fanfictions I Have Loved

14 Wednesday Oct 2015

Posted by Phoebe (she / hers) in Learnin', Writing Life

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

art-attack, book-love, cat-love, fandom, writing

Here’s where we start. As Julie Andrews states: the very beginning.

Fangirl-book-lucky-day

Actually, that’s not the beginning. Because the very beginning, for me, was the Fellowship of the Ring. Penny of Inspector Gadget. Martin of Redwall. Batman the Animated Series. Robotech. McGyver. Ember of Elfquest. Kung Fu: The Legend Continues. Creations not-mine which I absorbed, which became part of how I move in the world, how I view it.

Enter Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. Book I spotted top-shelf in the Portland Oregon’s Multnomah Public Library, which I didn’t read until I checked it out during a visit to the East Boston Library. I fell into that book in a big way and this prompted me to notice the chasm of fanfiction. I leaned over the edge to peer into sparkling depths, tripped . . . and the rest is millions and millions of words read, thoughts expressed rabidly enthusiastically to whatever poor fool whomever wandered near, and ruminations as to whether I should give up all my other aspirations and go back to college to study this shocking, new (to me, but not to the world) art form.

Reading as a writer is always an interesting experience, and I’m sure I’ll have more to say on the subject, but through the lens of fanfiction, I can say I’ve discovered:

  • It’s fascinating (to me) to read what other writers like to read, and the brevity of story and excessive ample access allows for rapid exposure
  • I edit/proofread in my head as I read. Until recently, I did not realize how much I do this
  • The idea that people are going ‘home’ after work/school/child rearing/etc. to write their hearts out brings me BIG HOPE for the world. Artists are out there! My type of artists to boot (re: writers)
  • Clearly, the low bar of having someone else’s characters, concepts, and ideas to give you a boost inspires so, so many people to put pen to paper, fingers to keyboard. I’m one of those writers who feels, if you read, you can write, at least for personal enjoyment and I’ve long wondered ‘where does it all go?’ when I meet voracious readers who don’t write. I mean, words go in; gotta reappear somewhere, right (nature ≠ vacuum)? As visual art, as movement, as craft, in the business meeting, in a song sung to a child, as movies inspired-by-the-true-story. As fanfic.

Reading fanfic has prompted me to go back and revisit my younger artist-self. I learned young that, for art to have validity or be of note, it had to be original. Conversely, as I grew older, I learned nothing is original. What’s an art-maker to do, squished beneath this smothering contradiction?

I believe people embracing “transformative works” via consumption and encouragement allows legitimacy to bloom. Thus, for all of my selves – kid, teen, adult – a gate lifted, one I hadn’t realized I was living behind. I see in these works a conversational reflection: I see you/I see what you’re making/I respond/you respond. Echoing rings of ideas connecting the originator, the receptive enthusiast, and the audiences of both.

Now, I understand copyright exists for a reason. We grew it to place protections around intellectual and artistic property. I don’t have quarrel with that. This is what first shocked me about fanfiction -all that writing, all those words, for FREE, because they must be (otherwise, illegal.) And, as with much of life, when money is pulled from the equation, the outcome morphs -not necessarily into something better, but into something different, creative, interesting. Such as Captain American falling in love with Ironman. Apparently. But that’s a curiosity for another blog post.

For now, I’ll share a few of the stories that so opened my mind (all are safe-for-work, some have swearing and violence)(also, there’s intense stuff in many fics out there; be cautious/take care of yourself when reading):

What have you got against Denny’s? (Cap and Thor lured by America’s cheap eats)

Brother-friends stuck in a cabin with a sock-stealing cat (Legolas and Aragorn struggle to survive a mishap, incomplete)

Don’t hang out with Deadpool, ’cause whoa (Poor Hawkeye; yikes)

My Venn diagram will EAT yours (!!! & Ironman)

So! More to say on this subject later, particularly about gender (such as: why do the stories Phoebe spotlights here center around white male protagonists? hmmm), sexuality, voice, and themes I’ve noticed that seem to span what I’ve read. Meantime, happy reading, and watch out for the edge of that cliff. It’s a doozy.

Copyright Phoebe Sinclair 2022

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